I have a niece who recently asked the dreaded question that all mothers of curly-hair daughters fear:
“Mommy, why doesn’t my hair look like…?”
At the young age of 6 years old, my niece is developing an understanding of the differences between herself and her peers. She is growing into a little lady and as she matures, she has the natural tendency to compare.
I have asked my mother this same question when I was a little girl and I know the day will come when my two daughters will approach me. So I want to sort out a few questions that immediately come to mind when this topic is addressed:
1. Does she see herself represented in the books and television shows she watches?
When I was younger there weren’t many TV shows with little girls that looked like me. There were some great characters like Suzie Carmichael (Rugrats) and Lisa Turtle (Saved By the Bell), but they were not the main characters. These days, mainstream television is doing much better representing little ladies of color with characters like Dr. McStuffins and Princess Tiana. What about the characters in the books that our little girls read?
2. What should I say?
I firmly believe that we as parents need to tell our children that they are beautiful and that they do not need to change their physical appearance to feel accepted. Things I plan to say:
“You are beautiful and so is your hair”
“I like your hair the way it is, why would you want to change?”
3. How do you answer this question without speaking negatively about another hair texture?
We want to encourage self-love in our children, but we also do not want them to develop a negative attitude towards their peers. It’s difficult to find a balance, but it’s necessary if we want our children to love themselves while respecting those around them.
Has your daughter/son asked you this question (why doesn’t my hair look like…)?
How did you answer?
[by Contributor, Cherelle]
